Getting Back To True White

i don’t get why i get revelations when i clean my car. i have a 2005 Ford Focus. i had a choice between a silver one and a white one and i felt i was supposed to take the white one. well ever since i’ve had it and everytime i clean it get these revelations, usually about my “focus”. lol…and you think you’re life is weird… 🙂


well once again today i cleaned my car. now you would think that i would clean my car every week or so (especially if i get a revelation everytime i do it) but it’s normally cleaned every 4-8 weeks. whenever i look at it, it still looks white with just a little dirt on it and i figure i can clean it when it gets really dirty. even today, i was thinking do i really need to clean it, it looks pretty clean still. then i started washing it. i was blown away. compared to the washed parts of the car…the rest of the car looked grey…really really dirty.


I have some friends right now wondering what is happening to their lives. they feel dirty, they don’t even feel saved, they have never been “this bad” before and yet they are serving God and still seeking Him. they ask we what they’re doing wrong. is it judgement? or a bad crop harvest? or just karma? i assure them it none of those things. you see the problem is we think we’re clean. we think we’re white and pure and blameless. but when God comes and applies pressure to our lives, scrubs us clean, and causes all His waves to wash over us in order to make us true white, we see how dirty we are. silly us that we would ever think that we’ve “arrived”.


another example of this is if you ever go to Ireland or somewhere with pastureland and snow. in summertime, you’ll see all these sheep on all the green hills and they look white, but when it snows, you realize that they’re not white but brown. david (in the Bible) had a time in his life where he thought he was fine. he even committed adultery and thought all was ok. then the word of the Lord came to him by the prophet Nathan and all the sudden it became winter in David’s life. he lost his firstborn son and the Lord was not happy with him. what did david pray? “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” the cold and winter times of God had shown him how dirty he was compared to the true white of God. i really like THE MESSAGE version of that scripture. “Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.”


let me encourage you if you feel so away from God and yet you have been loving Him and serving Him. it is not the judgement of God you are feeling. that is reserved for the enemies of God. what you are feeling and going through is the love of God…the love of God makes us clean…although His love can scrub us hard sometimes. allow Him to clean your heart. may we all cry out “come and bleach our souls God and make me true white like Your Son.”


my poor little car kept getting dirty even while i was cleaning it, and i had to go back several times to the same place and keep washing it. thank God that He is pacient and desires us to be clean.


deep calls to deep
and on me all Your waves break
and while you love scrubs me clean
bleach my heart and soul while i wait



May We Never Lose The Wonder Of Our Love



The Lord spoke to us tonight about becoming familar with Him. We want Him to be glorified and yet when He comes and reveals Himself to us, we are to familar to honor Him properly.


That’s what a lot of Song of Solomon is about. The woman hears her lover knocking at the door and she is too familar with love…she has lost the wonder of it…to get up and open up the door. When she finally does open up the door, she finds her lover gone and she searches everywhere and CANNOT FIND HIM.


He said that “you (us) have captured my (God) heart with just one glance from your eyes.” That’s what He wants. Sometimes we are as familiar with God as we are our friends. We stand right before them and look at other things or look down. He spoke to us to NEVER LOSE THE WONDER OF OUR LOVE and to keep looking at Him. Focus on Him.


While many women see their God as a Lover, many men see their God as a King…it takes both…the mystery, honor, and wonder of love.


looking at Him,

The Feminine Gift of Seeing Beauty

WARNING: this is my own opinion and are from thoughts swirrling around in my head. it may not be totally theogically accurate…but hear the heart

In American culture, there is a tendency to view masculinity with a distorted view. In culture, we believe that real men don’t cry, don’t read, don’t cook or clean, don’t sow, and don’t submit. Guys who enjoy “chick flicks” are considered ‘gay’ or not true men and anything in life that contributes to emotion is in someway prohibited among the “male standard” today.


Sadly, the “american church” has adopted many of these beliefs. Churches are full of men who believe it is hypocisy to their “male nature” to cry, to ‘fall in love with Jesus’, to feel the heart of God, or give birth to the promises of God.


What the Lord showed me today was that a gift that God gives women (one of the “it-comes-naturally” gifts) is the desire to see and admire beauty. It is a desire that He planted there. Yet it is not a strictly femine desire. There MUST be a balance in hearts…a balance between the masculine and feminine emotions and character traits. Jesus emobodied both ‘genders’. He was not some he-she…but He carried the soul of both. He was firm, authoritive, leading, conquering, providing (natural male characteristics) yet He was also caring, nuturing, compassionate, submissive to death, and able to just ‘be’ (natural feminine characteristics). Therefore to be like Jesus, we also must have a balance of the genders in our hearts and souls.


True men must deny the american mindset and focus on Jesus. Seeking the beauty of God is not a feminine thing to do…it a Christian thing to do. Many men in the Bible sought the Lord and had a balance of the genders in their souls. Men like David who fought and conquered yet constantly said “one thing have i asked of the Lord…to dwell in the house of the Lord forever (to ‘be’) and to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord…”. “My lips will praise you Lord, cause Your love is better than life.” The entire book of Song of Solomon (Songs), the man is seen “to love her” by embracing the beauty of her. He is described as great and powerful and conquering…AS WELL as one who can see and speak deeply of love. Proverbs 31 states that the husband will SAY and SEE “many women have done well…but you have surpassed them all”. Ezekiel saught the beauty of the Lord, and Joshua would not leave the tent when God showed up there to talk to them. Paul wanted the power of God, yet prays for others “that you would know the love of God, the height the depth the length and width of the love of Christ…that you would be filled WITH ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD.” Could it be that men can only have the fullness of God when men embrace the so-called feminine heart of love? Could this be the reason that John was the closest disciple of Jesus, cause he laid his head on the chest of Jesus? I know one thing…John would of been called gay nowadays.


Finally, we leave intercession, birthing, deep revelations, etc to women cause we feel that it is something left to women alone…something that happens to women alone. But maybe…maybe…it is a part of the feminine soul and not part of the female. I know men who function in these things and they are strong masculine people yet have a great balance of the male and female souls. I am not saying that all men need to become females and that there is only one gender. What i have to convey is that Jesus had the good from both genders and that’s why both genders followed Him.


not a metro-sexual, just in love with Jesus,