Consensual Hugs & My Need For Personal Space

a while ago i started reading “the five love languages” (i stopped after chapter two…lol…didn’t like it ‘that’ much). in the book, the author discusses that every person expresses love and emotion primarily in one of five different ways. they were:

  1. words of affirmation
  2. quality time
  3. receiving gifts
  4. acts of service
  5. physical touch

now i am a words of affirmation kind of guy (though quality time is close). but most people do not realize that i am NOT a ‘physical touch’ person. i almost hate it. lol  weird huh? everyone sees me as a fairly loving kind of person and they automatically assume that i like physical contact. i almost punched out a female co-worker of mine today who jokingly slapped my hand today (in total ignorance of this issue). yes…it ticks me off that bad. (i’m still a little worked up and on edge…lol)

i was brewing about today’s incident on the way home today and i realized that i am only comfortable with physical touch from people who are like me. when it comes to public displays of affection…i call it consensual hugging. i have a lot of friends who are more forceful in their displays of affection. they’re those type of people who are going to hug you whether you want it or not, totally surprising you sometimes and squeezing you tight until THEY decide to let go. when it comes to those kind of people…i show a lot of mercy. i love them. i can’t hate them for showing their affections for me the way they do (many are definitely ‘physical touch’ people) but if they start “holding me down” or wrestling around with me when i have not “geared up for it”, then like my friend found out friday night…prepare to be hurt. i view this issue the same way as i view sex. when things are proper (meaning ‘marriage’ when it comes to sex) and consensual, it can be a beautiful thing…but when it’s taken without permission…it’s a rape (in this case..of emotion).

that’s why i like my more timid friends. we look at each other and then decide to hug…lol. we never take it for granted because sometimes we just don’t want to be touched. (many of “us” also deal with bodily pain) i know this all sounds really strange but i’m just typing some of what is going on in my head right now. even in more romantic situations, all touch that i desire to have and give comes more from a place of lust than a place of pure love. i like the tingles and butterflies….not the acual touching. when it comes to a real relationship, just saying what i feel in my heart and spending time together is how i can most freely and purely express my truest feelings.

does anyone relate? am i crazy or self-centered in this area (tell the truth)? is this “five love languages” thing legit? what is your “love language”?

p.s.   if you are one of my friends reading this…don’t worry. my love for you overrides my personal issues. don’t act any different around me…unless i tell you. 🙂

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3 comments on “Consensual Hugs & My Need For Personal Space

  1. Lauren says:

    Actually, now that I know this, I may in fact act differently towards you. Subconsciously, of course:)By the way, I like this whole bloggy thing. It’s cute.

  2. Christina says:

    being a person who believes their love language to be touch (definately think so…tho i’m inbetween one or two others) i guess i can see ur point in a lot of what you say, yet somehow still feel that cuz ur on the opposite end of the spectrum, that maybe your perspective is maybe… umm distorted slightly…slighttttly.you still have to remember that the very fact of it being called a “love language” is cuz its a valid way for a person to express the love that they feel toward someone else.now granted, there are still people around me who i’d rather not touch me. in fact, when they do, it makes me feel absoultely uncomfortable, and perhaps even more uncomfortable than maybe someone else whose love language ISNT touch… think about it. imagine your a person who doesnt like to be touched or have their personal space invaded, and when it does happen, you feel absolutely violated..well how much more violated does a person whose love language IS touch feel violated when someone they dont want to be touched by touches them? lol, you catch my drift?anyways, i think ur view point is still interesting, and i believe that a lot of other factors come into play as well…

  3. eyesandwings says:

    i totally agree. let me be the first to say that my life is very different from that of a “normal” person…even just the fact that i don’t date. so i really don’t have any release for “touch”. i guess i’ll have to report my findings on this subject after i get married or something. lolthanks for commenting!

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