Fear

Fear is the thing I’ve fought my entire life. In fact, I still continue to fight it. As a child, it was about being afraid of “the shadow man” but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve struggled with all the worries and fears that can come with being an adult. I remember the day in my early twenties when I realized that there was a problem with that: FEAR IS SIN. By being afraid I am saying that I don’t trust Jesus and the plans He has for me. Over and over and over again Jesus commands us to not be afraid. Why then do I struggle with this? What are different ways to combat it? How does it affect others around me? These are a few things I’d like to hit in this post.

These past few years have been very difficult and very good. I’m learning more than I could have without these certain experiences. In a bible study that I attended in my early twenties, I had an amazing leader who helped me discover a way to combat fear. She encouraged me to look up all the scriptures on fear and see what God had to say about it. She spent a couple of Tuesdays going over the verses with me. In reality, fear is pride. We are saying that we can do something better than God. We think we can handle the issues better than God can. We are also saying that what Christ did on the cross is not enough. That His death and resurrection didn’t make us children of God and that we can not trust Him. I struggle with fear because it’s me saying that I want to be God. It goes back to the Garden of Eden when Eve was given a choice in Genesis. Does she listen to God or does she go after what she wants: to become like God. I can never say that I would have chosen the fruit over a relationship with Almighty God because I too want to be my own god.

What are the different ways to combat it?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)

  1. Meditate on the Word of God.
  2. Prayer and Petition
  3. Thanksgiving

The result?  “The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Also, Remember to dwell on the promises of God.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
(2 Timothy 1:7 ESV)

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6 ESV)

My favorite passage and also why my firstborn’s name is Lily Elise (Lily for Matthew 6 and Elise for the covenant of God):

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:25-34 ESV)

The other thing I do is surround myself with positive music. I also sometimes will talk with someone older who is immersed in the word of God. They have seen more and they are more experienced and I know they pray before they speak.

How does this affect others around me. I start seeing things from my point of view and miss out on opportunities to trust God and show His strength in my testimony because I’m too busy focusing on my own anxiety and not enough on who God is and what He is doing in my life. I’m so busy trying to fix my messes that I create more of a mess and end up with tons of shame. What am I showing my kids when I’m freaking out and not acting like a mom who is filled with the peace of God? I don’t want to raise them in a house full of fear. I want to be an example for my children so they will know that what I teach them about Jesus is true. I want them to see that I trust Jesus and I am willing to follow Him wherever. I want them to know that I’m willing to be still and know He is God instead of freaking out and causing problems for them and their daddy.

My husband is amazing. At the times I’m crazy, He reminds me to look at the cross and the empty tomb. It seems that whenever one of us are battling this, the other is given the grace to lift up and encourage the other. We have a saying in our house taught by our amazing children’s pastor when my husband was a child and it goes, “I trust Jesus, yes, I do. I trust Jesus how ’bout you?” And we will make the other repeat it until they shout it from the top of their voice and they say it with conviction.

Sometimes, I remember this and others it’s a far cry from what I should be doing. The last time I looked at this was January 21, 2014…lol…here I am almost a year and a half later and I completely forgot about this post. I need it more today then I needed it then. I’ll be finishing a depression blog post soon to go along with this. So stay tuned! Praise the Lord, He redeems our souls.

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Old Dogs and New Tricks

“Old dogs can’t learn new tricks.”

I’ve heard that phrase my whole life. Why do we associate this with people? Why do we use this term so we don’t have to change?

We as human beings hate change. But instead of resisting change shouldn’t we be heading towards change, constantly trying to get better and make better choices? I’ve had several older people tell me, “This is just the way I am. I can’t change” or “She’s not going to change and you aren’t going to change.”

Forgive me but I think that’s a bunch of nonsense. Becoming unteachable and unchangeable means nothing more than we have become “old and crusty”. I pray that I don’t become old and crusty but that I will be ever changing and heading towards my Jesus.

Now Jesus is a gentleman and doesn’t make me change all at once because that would be an overwhelming suicide mission. But He gives me little bit by little bit to work on. I will continue to work until the day I walk into His arms and wake in death to the after life with Him.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

How To Help A Family Who Lost Someone

This past December, my mom died. I had the honor of doing her eulogy. The weeks and months that have followed since then have been a mix of heartbrokenness and yet of sameness. The lost of my mother still pains me and I remember her often, but I have not been left immobilized by it. While life is certainly different, our routines continue and life moves us on.

During this season, my friends and church family have been amazing supports. They have served and encouraged us more than I could of ever dreamed. They have cried with us and also have caused us to laugh. I could not think of better people (or pastors) than the ones at First Assembly DeLand.

As I was meditating on how blessed I have been to have such a strong church around me, I realized that there isn’t a guide or any helpful hints for people to help a family/friend through the loss of a loved one. I have read plenty of articles solacing the griever, but none about how others can help (and not hurt or frustrate) the grieving party. I thought that I would write this for people who will need it in the future. I am glad to say that for the most part (99%), my church was spectacular and nothing in this post is directed at them. It is written to help people understand how to best comfort friends and church family who are grieving due to a death.

Note: I am a ministry leader in my church, so much of what I write will have that in mind. Some of the things I will address are not so much personal help, but ministry help.

Paint a bigger picture of heaven.

In scripture we are told that our hope in this life is our home/life in the next. The apostles continually focus the Christian’s gaze to the glories that await us after this life. The problem lies when our view of the afterlife gets dumbed down to a heavenly playground where our loved ones are just chatting waiting for us. That doesn’t produce hope. That doesn’t satisfy our hearts that our loved ones are better than we can imagine. Neither do unbiblical, error-filled comments about loved ones turning into angels. Let me state this clearly: no human has become an angel after death. None. Not one. Though the comments may be mentioned as a sincere sort of comfort, they truly offer none.

Instead of focusing on the angels, or mansions, or gold in heaven, focus on Jesus. Focus on that their loved one is now completely satisfied worshiping their heart’s Desire. Focus on that their earthly struggle is over and that they are now pain-free, sin-free, depression-free, never more to hurt and never more to die. Talk about the joy they must be experiencing because of the beauty and goodness of God. That’s how the Bible talks about heaven, and that’s how it gives us hope.

Keep your grieving in check.

When my mom passed, there were one or two people who made a scene at her funeral. In truth, these people barely knew my mom. My thoughts about them were “I’m not grieving that bad, and she’s my mother.”

I understand that people all grieve differently and they are entitled to that. However, do it “in secret” (Matthew 6) and not in front of the family. Do you best to hold it together when you are with them. If the family is comforting you instead of you comforting them, then maybe there is an issue there.

Note: I understand that there are some cases where the family is estranged from the deceased and there are friends that were truly closer to the deceased than the family. I still repeat, keep your grieving in check. You may have lost a friend, but they have lost a blood member of their family and even if they are estranged, death has a way of bringing clarity to past issues.

Put a pause on your personal issues.

Much like the last point, the best way to comfort and help a family that is grieving is to not draw attention to you. Blessings and cursings can’t come from the same mouth. You can’t tell the family all about the positive and life-changing impact the deceased has had on your life and then the next day go all Jerry Springer on Facebook. That doesn’t encourage the family. If you are going to come forth as a testimony to their legacy, then make sure that you don’t act out during that time. Keep your issues in check. I understand that we all sin, but we can help and honor the grieving family by making right choices that show the positive impact that the deceased loved one has had on our life.

Also on a ministry side, be discerning. I understand that there can be “dark nights of the soul” and times of severe struggle in a Christian’s life as the Lord is refining them by separating the dross from the gold by using intense trials. I also understand that those times can’t be planned. However, I know that there is grace in those times to not be burdensome to another who is grieving. I know, personally, as a leader that the last thing I want to deal with is strife or bitterness in my ministry team while I’m grieving. In the midst of our personal issues and sin, press to get along and apply grace to overcome them instead of being a burden.

Do your job.

This one is almost solely a ministry-focused point. I have people often say that good leadership is when things don’t require you to be around in order to keep going. I agree with this. However, due to choice and our personal issues, the flow of ministry can start breaking down if people aren’t doing their job.

I had many people, particularly in our worship team, ask me if there was anything they could do to help out me and my family during our grieving. My mom’s death fell two weeks before Christmas and 10 days before our department’s Christmas production. What I wanted to tell everyone was that the best way you can help me, as a leader, is to simply do your job. Show up at practice. Be prepared. Have a good attitude. Be in unity with everyone else on the team. These things may not seem like much, but they kept me from dealing with issues and problems and instead allowed to process my mom’s death (and continue writing her eulogy).

Help with the basics.

That said, helping with the basics is a great way to practically help and bring comfort to the family. Offer to wash and fold their laundry. Offer to help clean and organize their house. If they have kids, offer to babysit during the day so that they can help plan the funeral, or offer to babysit a night or two so that they can get out of town to breathe. Many of my co-workers started a PTO donation. This was a big help for my wife and me. Yet, the best practical thing you can do is arrange meals for the family. Our family was a wreck before and after mom passed and not having to spend 1-2 hours each night preparing food was a blessing. We found the site “Take Them A Meal” to be quite helpful. It allows the family to give instructions and give directions without having to focus on organizing it. We were able to view a list and knew who was bringing dinner and what they were bringing. I can’t express how big of a blessing that was.

Don’t ask many questions. Give encouragements instead.

Finally, give encouragements more than you ask questions. Don’t ask a family member whose loved one just died “how are you doing?”. Rather, encourage them. Share funny stories and good memories about the loved one. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Remember with them. Remind the family of the loved one’s legacy, of how much they loved each member of the family, of the impact they made in other’s lives. This will not just help them at that moment, but months and years down the road.

Between Peter & Thomas

My mom has cancer.

My mom has terminal cancer.

Barring a miracle, my mom is (possibly, even very likely) on her death bed, living her last days.

My soul is conflicted about all of this. It ponders “should I believe?”, “should I prepare for her death?”, etc. In all my pondering, I have realized that there are two extremes that I have to stand/balance between.

Don’t doubt like Thomas

Thomas gets a really bad rap in scripture for doubting the promises, power, and resurrection of Jesus. I tend to find myself (sadly) joining Thomas in believing God for a miracle for my mom.

I grew up in a Pentecostal family. I have seen healings happen before my eyes. I am so grateful for being raised in this environment. It’s easy in the face of death and disease to throw in the towel and give up. But that’s not God’s will. Even if this situation ends with death, God is pleased by our faith and when we place our hope in Him and His ability to heal. I (we) must fight despair and defeat, and decide to “go to the grave” believing God for a miracle.

Don’t deny like Peter

Peter was one of the most passionate and greatest of the disciples. Yet, Jesus rebuked him as the devil. Why? Because when Jesus told Peter how He (Jesus) was going to die, Peter denied this possibility. Peter even tried to persuade Jesus from God’s plan. This earned Peter a serious rebuke.

This is good for me to remember. We must believe and have faith, but that doesn’t mean we deny reality. We can’t deny that God sometimes has a “seed fall to the ground and die.”  Many are left devastated when God doesn’t respond with a miracle and rather lets death take hold instead. They never prepare themselves like Job, “He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” We must get to the place where we say “come what may, You are good and I love You.”

————————————

I don’t know what this next two weeks hold, but I find myself in a place of realistic hope and belief. God will raise my mom up from this death bed, either physically or by giving her a new body in the resurrection. Regardless, He’s good and my mom will take joy in whatever the Lord chooses.

In the meantime, I’m going to pray like crazy for her healing as I prepare for her passing.

Why I Don’t Look At The Menu

I’ve heard women say over and over again:

“Yes, I am married but I can look at the menu. I just can’t buy.”

I absolutely hate that saying. I feel like it breeds contempt and dis-contentedness. I think this is why so many marriages are having problems. We look at others, but those looks become thoughts, and sometimes those thoughts lead to action. Go back to the garden of Eden and find our star player. Her name was Eve and this is what scripture says:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (Genesis 3:1-7 ESV)

Did you note the part that said :

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

This all started in Eden. This discontentness is what we have been fighting since the beginning! Thank God that He has given us freedom in Christ Jesus. Paul says in Romans:

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come. But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. And the free gift is not like the result of that one man’s sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:12-21 ESV)

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. (Romans 6:5-7 ESV)

Yes, I realize that it mentions Adam and not Eve. I think that we, as women, forget that our husbands have a responsibility in how they lead us. They will answer to God for us one day and we will answer for our submission to our husbands. Adam didn’t have to take the fruit. Going back to Genesis 3, we see that it was Eve who looked, desired, took and gave. She wasn’t content with her husband, she wasn’t content with her life. Think about it. Read Genesis 1-4 yourself.  Eve had everything! A beautiful home, an awesome organic grocery store, a handsome husband, a loving father in God, and she was free. God only asked her to not eat one thing. That was it, just one tree! She had her pick of anything else she wanted. Literally anything.

I can’t drive this home enough! We have got to stop putting our men next to the latest Hollywood hunk or the sexy new musicians and start having eyes only for our husbands. We need to take the same amount of energy we spend pretending what our lives would be like with Mr. So-and-So and how amazing this imaginary man is and pour that into our husbands.

We are to be content in everything. Paul says in Philippians:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)

I realize this is talking about provision. This is still relevant. We have to be satisfied with the life God has given us. The overall truth is that we are selfish. We want what we want, when we want it. My heart aches because so many of infidelities could be avoided. If (1) we would keep our eyes on the gifts God has given us, (2) stop looking at what someone else has, and (3) if we would wait in the presence of God and realize no man is going to fulfill all of our desires. Our hope is in Christ alone.

I want to state for the record that I am anything but perfect. God knows my own struggles and thoughts. On the days when it feels like I am the worst parent, worst wife, slacker, and everything else is going wrong, I am the first person to jump off the proverbial ledge. I wonder about what it would look like to have different things. But God reminds me to knock it off. I am right where He wants me. We can’t surprise God. We have free will and God knows what we will choose but we also have a choice to surround ourselves with the things of God. To come to His well and drink in His presence. By doing this we help keep the door shut on our enemy, Satan. He can get no ground in our lives.

Again, why do I not look at the menu? Simple, because I don’t want to give any ground to my enemy. I want to live a life that is pleasing to my Savior.

(Note: I realize some of you reading this may have less desirable situations with your husbands. I have watched several relationships over the past six years where there has been serious cases of faithfulness and fidelity. Yet, in three of these cases, I have watched God do a slow and restorative healing.)

Help To Better Read

My goal in this post is to help people read more. I am acutely aware that there are great books about this, but I also understand that many people I know don’t read books at all. Reading for them isn’t something they don’t do well, but rather something they don’t do at all. It is for these people I write this post. I want to give some helpful tips on how to cultivate a simple reading life.

Some may ask though, “Why is reading books important? Isn’t reading my Bible enough?” I will let John Piper answer this question brilliantly:

Some may also say that they don’t have enough money or time to read. I will focus on time in a moment, but let me address the money concern. I understand that money is tight in many families (although we typically find a way to buy things that we have prioritized as important) but let me offer you two options that may help you:

  1. A Kindle
    I bought my Kindle 2 years ago for $70 (it took me a few months to save up for it) and it pays for itself again and again every 3 months. Why? Because thanks to certain blogs and Twitter accounts that I follow, I find discounted deals for books. I have bought brand new theology books that would typically cost $20 for 99 cents, because the Kindle version was on-sale for a day. While I like paper books, the cost saving has made me a Kindle-only person.
  2. Your local library
    You would be impressed on what you can find at your local library. My city’s library has the newest & hottest worship cds. They also keep a great collection of books. I can even ask them to add a book into their inventory, and thanks to God, my requests have never been rejected. Typically, they also have a wide catalog of good audiobooks (on CD) available. I’ll talk more about these shortly.

Now that I’ve dealt with the reasons to read and how to read for cheap/free, let me offer a few helpful tips on how to cultivate a reading life.

Read small chucks consistently

Make a plan to read for 10 minutes right before bed. That’s it. Get yourself in a habit to read something every day. You would be surprised how quick you could read a book if you just read for 10 minutes a day. Take one of your work breaks and read a book. If you do that consistently, you should be able to read a book every 2-3 weeks (depending on page length).

Read something worth it

Don’t read things that you think are going to be a waste of your time. If you’re out of school, then you are probably out of the required reading stage. Find something to read that interests you. Check the Amazon reviews to see what people are saying about the book and if they enjoyed it.

Read something fun

Don’ just read systematic theology books. Read some great fiction books. Read books like The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, etc. Let your imagination loose and have fun. If you never read anything enjoyable and fun, I’ll wager that you will rarely read.

Highlight and make notes

This is important. When reading a non-fiction book, highlight all you can. Make notes throughout the book. This helps you to engage with the book more and remember more of the material you’re reading. It also helps to quickly read the important passages when you re-read the book years later.

Listen to audio books

This is one of my favorites. As I said, the library has audio books for free. I listen to a book every two weeks in my car just by listening to it on my way to work and church. Personally, I listen to fiction books while I’m in my car (I get less sleepy that way). This means that my ten minutes each night can be spent with something that will grow me in biblical knowledge or leadership skills (my two most often read subjects). If you want a great place to start, I encourage you to get the Chronicles of Narnia (unabridged) audio books from your local library.

Kissing Couples

“Gross! Get a Room!”

“Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick!”

These are just a couple of phrases I’ve heard when I’ve kissed my husband in public (or on our Christmas invite that had one sweet kiss on it and the other two pictures had my pregnant belly and oldest daughter in them).

Many people watch movies that have make-out scenes (or even sex scenes) in them. Yet when married couples give a kiss in public, the same people speak negatively of it. Shouldn’t we (who are married) be showing the unity of our marriages in public? I’m not talking about having sex or having make-out sessions in front of people. I’m talking about sharing sweet kisses, like when you are so happy to see your spouse and spend time with him/her. There is tasteful kissing. If anything, marriage should be held in higher regard than dating. Boyfriends and girlfriends should not be engaging in the same privileges as those who are married. When you are married, you make a covenant before God and man that you will uphold your marriage vows for better or worse. When you aren’t married there is nothing holding you to that person. Yet, it’s when married (and committed) people kiss that many frown.

In marriage, you show unity. I pray that the “honeymoon phase” never leaves me. My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years now. And it has been the best 5 (counting the year we dated) years of my life. I want my children to grow up knowing that their daddy and mommy love each other very much, whether by listening to one another or a kiss here and there. I want it to be easy for them to realize that we have fought for our marriage and will continue to fight for it. I want them to know that, with Christ, they can have a better and more fulfilled marriage than the one that our culture offers.

Our marriage has not been all daisies and jasmines. We have had our roses. There are thorns that grow and hurt on those roses but at the end of them are beautiful large blossoms that, when unfolded, have glowed brightly in the color of the blood of Christ. The thorns hurt, but like Paul says:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:5-10 ESV)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18 ESV)

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you…Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:7-18 ESV)

My point is this: I want our lives to be open (and visible) so that God gets the glory for our marriage. I want others to see that Jesus can help keep marriages together and reconcile anyone. I want to show them the key for a lasting marriage. What is this key? Forgiveness. We are not too evil for God to forgive when we call out to Him, so who are we to not forgive others in return? Are we God that we get to choose who is forgiven and who is not?

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” He also told them a parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.(Luke 6:37-42 ESV)

Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.” (John 20:21-24 ESV)

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
(Colossians 3:12-17 ESV)

Do you see the common thread? Forgiveness and love. We have no right to withhold forgiveness when we have been forgiven. If we want our marriages to work we must have both of these.

So, when I am out in public I want people to see the love I have for my husband. I will praise him in the quiet as well as publicly.  I am so proud of him. I have been watching him grow as a husband and father. I can submit to him because I know he hears from God. I also know that when I hear from God and tell him, he listens. One day, when younger women (either single, engaged, or newly married) look at me, I want them to see that marriage can last on this earth “until death do us part”. I want to give them hope in a hopeless world. I can only do this in the hope of Christ. When scripture says, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 ESV), it means marriage as well. Therefore I am going to continue to kiss my husband proudly in public and take pictures and act like I did when we first dated. I pray, that with Christ’s help, I never lose that passion for him.