Favorite

A lunch with friends or family at Cracker Barrel.

A quiet afternoon floating in the pool.

Back to back (to back to back to back, etc) episodes of NCIS.

As Maria sung in The Sound of Music,
“These [were] just few of [your] favorite things.”

A 64oz cup of Coke (or later, Sprite) filled to the brim with ice.

A Florida Gators or a Miami Dolphins football game.

Getting your nails painted and your hair colored.

These were just few of your favorite things.

The family trip to Lake Tahoe.

Seeing the birth of both of your granddaughters.

Watching all your kids graduate high school.

These were just few of your favorite things.

Every time your tumor markers went down.

When you heard one of your kids (or your husband) come home.

When we sung of His faithfulness at church.

These were just few of your favorite things.

No longer held in a body wrecked by horrible pain.

Being able to run, breathe, jump, shout, and dance.

Seeing clearly with no need of contacts or glasses.

These are just few of your favorite things.

Seeing your dad, brother, and sister again.

Meeting the child, the one before me, who died in your womb for the first time.

Receiving the crown that was laid up for you for a race well ran.

These are just few of your favorite things.

Seeing the worship in the throne room with your eyes, no longer just a vision.

Casting your crown at His feet and worshiping with the multitudes.

Being overwhelmed with light and love all while being in His presence.

These are just few of your favorite things.

But after all of these things…

One thing overshadows them all….

Seeing Jesus, the One you loved for decades, face-to-face.

This is your favorite thing.

And when the dog bites and when the bees sting

When life gets hard, and the times seem cruel

When I’m feeling sad

Or mad

Or doubtful

Or weary

I simply remember your favorite things

And your favorite thing

And then I don’t feel so bad

Because I’ll be there, with you, one day too.

Until then mom, Happy Mother’s Day.

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Between Peter & Thomas

My mom has cancer.

My mom has terminal cancer.

Barring a miracle, my mom is (possibly, even very likely) on her death bed, living her last days.

My soul is conflicted about all of this. It ponders “should I believe?”, “should I prepare for her death?”, etc. In all my pondering, I have realized that there are two extremes that I have to stand/balance between.

Don’t doubt like Thomas

Thomas gets a really bad rap in scripture for doubting the promises, power, and resurrection of Jesus. I tend to find myself (sadly) joining Thomas in believing God for a miracle for my mom.

I grew up in a Pentecostal family. I have seen healings happen before my eyes. I am so grateful for being raised in this environment. It’s easy in the face of death and disease to throw in the towel and give up. But that’s not God’s will. Even if this situation ends with death, God is pleased by our faith and when we place our hope in Him and His ability to heal. I (we) must fight despair and defeat, and decide to “go to the grave” believing God for a miracle.

Don’t deny like Peter

Peter was one of the most passionate and greatest of the disciples. Yet, Jesus rebuked him as the devil. Why? Because when Jesus told Peter how He (Jesus) was going to die, Peter denied this possibility. Peter even tried to persuade Jesus from God’s plan. This earned Peter a serious rebuke.

This is good for me to remember. We must believe and have faith, but that doesn’t mean we deny reality. We can’t deny that God sometimes has a “seed fall to the ground and die.”  Many are left devastated when God doesn’t respond with a miracle and rather lets death take hold instead. They never prepare themselves like Job, “He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” We must get to the place where we say “come what may, You are good and I love You.”

————————————

I don’t know what this next two weeks hold, but I find myself in a place of realistic hope and belief. God will raise my mom up from this death bed, either physically or by giving her a new body in the resurrection. Regardless, He’s good and my mom will take joy in whatever the Lord chooses.

In the meantime, I’m going to pray like crazy for her healing as I prepare for her passing.